Written by Sarah Stupar | August 2021
In Mary Jayne Blackmore’s new book “Balancing Bountiful” there is an undercurrent of distrust and anger towards the media, who make appearances throughout. Film crews show up and ask to film them doing chores, documentary film producers break promises of sharing copies of family footage, a reporter phones up a 35 year old Mary Jayne to ask “what’s it like to be a child bride?” but seems to have no real patience for her response. Each situation presents a recurring frustration: supposed “journalists” who appear to have written the story before doing any of the research. These memories seem to have spurred Mary Jayne to tell her own story without it being filtered through the sometimes conflicting goals of a journalist or documentary filmmaker.
Mary Jayne Blackmore was born in Bountiful BC, the fifth oldest daughter of infamous polygamist Winston Blackmore, and she presents to us a memoir of her life in growing up as a Mormon Fundamentalist. The tagline of the book “What I Learned about Feminism from my Polygamist Grandmothers” is actually an undersell of the book, which, while addressing the author’s own relationship to feminism, does so much more than that. It paints a fascinating and highly personal account of an isolated, tight knit religious community preparing for the end of the world, which appears not as the anticipated rapture, but as a power struggle for the leadership of the church when Mary Jayne’s father Winston Blackmore is excommunicated from the church.
The existence of polygamy in Canada, centred mostly in Bountiful, has been described as our “dirty little secret” and was first exposed to mainstream media attentions via Mary Jayne’s aunt Debbie Palmer with her book Keep Sweet and various media appearances in which she outlined her oppression and abuse. Mary Jayne, (emphasizing that she is telling only her own story and no one else’s) experienced none of this, and while she doesn’t delve too much into these allegations, she also doesn’t outright deny them.
The general thesis of her book in regards to polygamy is that it should be legalized, because the criminalization of this family structure only harms the most vulnerable members of the community, and she makes a strong and compelling argument. Of course, Mary Jayne herself, because of her position as one of Winston’s eldest daughter’s from his first and only legal marriage, is by no means a vulnerable member of her community, and while a more explicit acknowledgement of the author’s proximity to power and status could have added to the book, overall it is still definitely worth a read.
What it lacks in analysis of structures of power or wealth distribution in Bountiful (a 2006 a Tyee article outlined some scandalous labour practices in the community), it more than makes up for in an emotional analysis of the experience of growing up in a community where polygamy is viewed as normal, not an offensive aberration of the one true family structure. While she outlines her positive experiences and almost idyllic childhood, the author also offers critiques of her own community and culture (she no longer identifies as a Mormon). These critiques, being offered from the inside, are richer and more thoughtful than what are generally presented by outsider journalist types, and part of what makes the book so interesting to read.
Polygamy as practiced by Mormon fundamentalists is at the very least distasteful to the majority of liberal-minded Canadians, but the undeniable truth is that many women in Bountiful say they are happy with their lives. While many would claim these women are brainwashed or have no other choice, this book paints a more complex picture, illustrating how secular liberal Canadian society will struggle to be seen as a safe haven for women who are consistently infantilized and often mocked by a society which claims to have their best interests at heart.
Mary Jayne’s mother Jane Blackmore left Bountiful in 1999, taking her youngest daughter with her. She credits the friendships she made while working as a midwife in Creston for giving her strength to leave, saying “They certainly never tried to get me to leave, they just let me know that they were my friends no matter what.” Contrast this with Mary Jayne’s experiences outlined in the book of trying to access government programs aimed at assisting women in Bountiful - they are unable to help her if she refuses to identify as a victim.
As much as education within a polygamist community is important for spurring change, education of those outside the community on how best to support that change is necessary as well. The experience of reading Balancing Bountiful provides some of that education. It will leave sensitive and empathetic readers in a better position to genuinely listen to and support women in polygamist marriages, no matter what.
